Allo *waves*

This is my first actual blog.  I have a Myspace where I typically post my songs and poetry, but I wanted to make a blog that was independent of that site so voila, here I am.

What to say, what to say…

Well, I live in IL (shock, gasp, now you know where I live!  Oh NOOOOOEZ! heh), I have an office job, and I live in a 2 bedroom apt with a friend.  I live not too shabbily for someone who graduated from college only a couple of years ago.  Found this job only a few months after graduating, so even more of a plus/lucky break/thing.

So, living situation and income situation are pretty good.  That’s established.

My actual life?  Not so much.

Not going to go on some emo-ish rant, whine about my shitty childhood (most have them, so it’s like we all bought different colors of the same thing at this point), or anything like that.

I’m a mess.  I have my problems.  I worry too much, I get paranoid.  My feelings get all twisted by these things and ideas and thoughts that wouldn’t normally be in my head end up creeping up and it gets worse.  Sometimes, I’m able to work on this myself, sometimes I’m not.

My family has a history of mental illness, ranging from schizophrenia to manic depression et cetera and so forth.  I’m 26 years old, and I’m finally going to see a shrink relatively soon.  I’ve tried to deny it, try to tell myself that I don’t need it, but the truth is that if I don’t do this now, it’s only going to get worse and then will come the pretty white jackets and the burly-ish guys dragging me to a nice room lined with pillows.  That’s what scares me the most, ending up like my family.  And I haven’t, in so many ways.  But, this is the penultimate thing.  I need to do this so that I can not just get better but get my life more on-track than it is now.

Why do I open up like this on a blog, of all things?  Who knows?  Maybe because there are people who are in a boat similar to mine.  Maybe because I need to type this.

Until next time, laterz.